the idea graveyard
alternative title: how long can an idea last without acting on it
thought about this a lot while thinking about certain creative projects (osu mapping/drawing/tiny apps/THIS BLOG) that i havent gotten to yet. for me personally, i need to be in a sort of mood when i actually want to act on a creative idea. its not just one mood though; i can either be super sad and emo (JOB APPS LOLOLOL) and want to just work on anything at all, or be in a super motivated mood once a month and crank out some banger. either way these moods are very sporatic and dont usually happen often. most times in the “afterglow” of the creation process i always wonder, “why dont i do this more often?” and then only wait for the next creative mood to strike. i drew scott a birthday present1 a couple days ago that had madeline and akko playing some instruments but i almost didnt include madeline. after i sketched out akko, i tried filling out the rough sketch for madeline and almost dropped it. i had no faith in the drawing until it was almost done because i kinda forced myself to see it through. thats when i realized that im not really respecting and liking the process of not knowing what the end product will end up being, if that makes any sense lol. honestly this post title is a bit of a lie since im now thinking about ideas that have been formed but never finished. they might even go hand in hand. countless map drafts that only get 30s through before being dropped, and written down art prompts that become forgotten in place of new, shiny ideas that take their place.
i think a big flaw with my creative process is that the thing must be created and finished within one sitting. it must be acted upon right there, right now. otherwise the magic isnt quite there and i dont feel like working on it. my ideas die on the spot if i dont bring myself to work in the spur of the moment. theres been veryyyy few ideas that make it past the first week of initial creation which is honestly crazy to me. maybe even this blog post might not survive because i have to stop writing for like an hour.
after that amazing break i kinda realized theres no real conclusion to this post i just want to write about what ive tried before to get myself creating. i think the most fail thing ive tried is daily anything. im bound to either gaslight myself into shoving the days work into tomorrow and then never doing anything after the initial commitment, or actually burning out and not wanting to touch whatever i worked on. maybe i just need to fix my expectations in regards to what quality of thing im making daily. cant really make something that i think is banger on banger with that kind of timeframe constantly. i actually have no clue why i rarely go back to unfinished projects maybe i should try to revive some of these drafts as practice. i think the most dangerous thing i do when getting new ideas is just thinking about them and not actually doing anything with it. for example ive had this song2 in my head for like 3 days and ive wanted to map it in osu the whole time but i only just think about the idea of mapping it and not actually sitting down and creating it. i should look into that effect because im thinking about it now and a lot of the ideas die from that thought loop. i can think of sooo many piano songs3 i want to learn and play and then just loop them on yt until i forget they exist. so scary to think about.
the one thing that probably saves my creative output is just like not having internet or my computer near me lol. in japan my ass was on a boat with 0 internet and i could only draw or read or sleep. i guess it makes sense that i take creative hobbies as time killers when im not gaming. even when writing this post im waiting for a fathers day lunch and riding in a car. its been 2 months since ive really written anything aswell.. i had a post planned for my aim leaderboards bot but i burnt myself out after dumping a month of time into the project. its ok though aim season 2 gonna be a movie for sure.