i am a proud fincel i love truckin i love fuckin but most important of all, i loveee crankin my hoggggg

i always respected the vtubing scene with how much actually goes into crafting the virtual image that the streamer uses. theres like lore videos, music videos/covers/original music (if the person can sing lololol), a fuck ton of character specific assets, and insanely complex live2d and 3d rigging models. unfortunately no matter if it was a fleshtuber or a vtuber, i still never gave em a chance because they were either too loud or they kept making sex jokes every 0.2 seconds or their model was insanely gooner. (there are some hilarious ratios on these models bro i got flustered watching them before closing the tab) i have to thank my good friend acrid for putting me on my KAMIOSHI1, marimari_en. he pinged me with a clip of mari talking about her hatred of elon2 not because of anything hes done in the past 5 years, but because back in like 2014 or some shit he put kagerou from touhou 14 as his pfp and then tweeted “im a catgirl”. if you knew ball or looked at kagerou from double dealing character for more than 0 seconds then you would know that she is in fact a wolf girl. absolute tourist behavior seriously. either way a vtuber that knew her shit on touhou (ddc is her favorite game!) and wasnt loud i was sold. my very amazing yt homepage remembered this and then like a month later i clicked on a video with the title: “marimari_en is happy that a viewer likes her enough to jork it to her”.3 i know its quite the amazing video title but it was the most hilarious dry response to something that 99% of the time gets insta banned or deleted. THANKFULLY my yt homepage knew i had to lock in for my interview phases so somehow i didnt get anymore mari clips until the week of my interview results lol. actually i was pissgrinding mcsr so it probably didnt matter that much but like getting a crippling dependency on a vtuber would be a net negative during a busy time no matter what. i livetweeted my real time vtuber spiral so i can actually show some of the videos and isms that really got me.

vtuber clippers are actually such a godsend and are kinda an integral part of how a vtuber grows. since marimari_en is part of a bigger vtuber agency, phase connect, the algo really pushes a fuck ton of the members at you after you interact with only like 2-3 clips. i do like some of the other girls’ clips but i dont think i could listen to most of their vods just because it dont hit like marimari_en. i think the closest is probably clio aite4 but shes probably 1/1 in her niche as someone who is much older than her contemporaries, plays ONLY map games (eu4), and streams for like 12 hours a day most days. honorable mentions include jelly hoshiumi5 and dizzy dokuro6. mari streams at fuckass hours for me (11pm start in sd) so against my will i might just have more watchtime with clio. i think the craziest thing about this agency is the transparency of the relationships between talent, management, and the ceo, sakana. ive watched so many clips of sakana just randomly spawning in on the girls’ streams and he just dont gaf. like two people were doing a collab and one of them had a tech issue so they had to wait 10 minutes or something. they get BORED and then call clio AND sakana while hes driving7. it might be worlds first in the vtuber world to call your boss during a collab stream. its kinda crazy just how comfortable both sakana and the girls are about sharing stuff in regards to hiring. one talent (tenma?) held sakana in the interview for 4 hours. i dont even know how thats possible to be in an interview for that long. i think jelly literally lied on every question and then told him like a week after. amazing hiring practices from the goat company. these hiring decisions are so amazing that the company’s reputation is just the “sad girl company”. this shit is rightfully earned btw since theres so many esoteric personalities in this company. i think pippa is for sure the front lead for why the rep is as bad as it is (she has a vomit drawer), but ive seen gun cleaning streams8, girlfailure clips, and just awful cooking. it is truly a tough choice when picking your poison. right now besides donating directly to the talents, the only merch is either the birthday merch sets or COFFEE. i have no clue how the company itself is in the black with this coffee business but dont be surprised when i blow my first paycheck on the marimari_en coffee beans9. apparently its legit aswell like theres reddit threads where the op is a coffee enthusiaist and actually rates a bunch of the beans. it would be the funniest shit ever to sip on some vtuber coffee at the end of a gdq night. it would be a freakin #vibe

why do i actually tap into the marimari_en streams? great question man. i think she has a lot of the same talking-isms as i do which is really funny because all of my talking isms are the result of taking things that are funny to me and saying them over and over. she also has the most random vocal stims ever. like it could be an old 2000s radio hit or some ytp reference. i think that combination of oldhead reference and zoomer speech really hits while i have her on my second monitor. she also talks realllllly slow for a streamer. i think its just super nice to have a popular streamer that doesnt cram 20 words in a second just because. the final piece of the puzzle is her deadpan delivery for almost everything. she does scream and shit occasionally but mostly she talks with no inflection and just says whatever. theres no difference in mari’s tone when she talks about scrapbooking every memory after moving for vtubing or when she just asks chat what a brojob is. getting caught off guard like that is quite fun, especially when im not really paying that much attention and then my ear just catches on whatever bullshit she just said. she has lots of good stories and inspirational tidbits but shes not immune to the occasional “plap plap get pregnant” joke or just have dumb humor which i dont mind. im reading this paragraph back and i cant believe im writing all this but its true shes just super fun to listen in on. her collabs are pretty fun too since she can just kinda mesh with anyone as the straight man that contrasts to the collab partner. i think mari’s collab with jelly on the button10 is some of the funniest shit ever because at some point she just traps jelly for 20 minutes and talks about pokemon xd: gale of darkness and why its her favorite game while jelly just sits there and doesnt interrupt her. its the fastest ive ever heard her talk and its only because shes just info dumping about one of her favorite games oat. i gotta do that to someone one day man. its worth noting that her model is probably my favorite out of any vtuber just because she has this closed eyes toggle that looks so awesome. theres a clip of her model just jamming to get low by lil jon and the ying yang twins and it got me good11.

my first act of true independence will most likely be blasting marimari_en while i build my bedframe in my apartment. its gonna be really funny looking back at this time of my life because its just me finally getting into vtubers after years of not getting it. nevermind the job or moving states its all about my oshi. if i do write about the general vtuber sphere again itll probably be if she graduates or if phase connect explodes somehow. i really hope they dont end up like nijisanji or vshojo thats really my only wish for this agency. best case scenario is i write the review for those coffee beans in january even though i dont drink coffee at all. the flavor description is pretty awesome it says the coffee sucks if you suck at brewing. “dead, expressionless taste” just like her!! my ladybug phase only died because the show went on a 4 month hiatus so this vtuber phase should be much longer and mych more annoying i apologize in advance. my first ranked sub-10 will have marimari_en in the background MARK MY WORDS.

  1. basically your favorite vtuber oat it literally means “god favorite” BECAUSE I LOVE HER OH MY DAYS ↩

  2. please dont mind the channel name i hate it too ↩

  3. “MariMari_en is happy a viewer likes her enough to jork it to her” ↩

  4. ANCIENT WHAT ↩

  5. they call her jitler ↩

  6. big boobs but idgaf i mostly listen to vtuber audio ↩

  7. its really good ↩

  8. ive actually grown quite fond of shiina as i watch more phase connect shes fun to listen to ↩

  9. the link is lowkey broken because theres kanji in the link all good though ↩

  10. this is the greatest yap session oat ↩

  11. three six nine damn she fine ↩